Interviewer’s Note:

This remarkable woman possesses a calm wisdom that comes from decades of adapting to life’s challenges with grace. She has a real clarity of thought and practicality. It’s unique the way she assesses situations, determines what can and cannot be changed, and finds her way forward with resilience and dignity. Throughout our conversation, her voice carried the assurance of someone who knows the right way to do things.

Growing Up in The Bronx

I grew up in the Bronx with working parents. My father had a barbershop, and my mother was a domestic worker. Education was considered primary in our household, especially by my father. At the time, I wanted to be “out there” with my friends, and their strict rules felt like bondage. My mother would say, “Be in this house before the lights come on,” and we lived on the fifth floor of a building that stood out on the block. If I wasn’t upstairs when I was supposed to be, she would hang out the window screaming my name, and my friends would say, “Your mother’s looking for you.” And that was the end of that, ha ha.

As I got older, my friends would be going to parties, and my mother would give me early curfews like seven o’clock. I’d protest, “The party doesn’t start until eight,” and she’d say, “So I guess you’re not going.” I’m thankful now for that structure because many people I grew up with ended up in jail or faced other hardships. Without that foundation, there’s no telling what I might have gotten into.

Finding My Path

First, I wanted to be a dancer, but my father said no. Then I wanted to play the flute. My father said no to that too. When I said I wanted to be a doctor, he said, “No, you’re going to get married, have children, you can’t be a doctor and do that.” Since I had an aunt who was an LPN, I became a nurse instead.

I always wanted to help people, particularly children. That’s why I wanted to be a pediatrician. Nursing gave me flexibility, and you could always find a job somewhere. I was able to get a job in pediatrics immediately, which was what I wanted.

I married young at 19 and had my son when I was 21. We separated when I was 22. I think we married too young, and our minds were in different places. He went to Vietnam and came back a different person. So, I became a single parent, but my parents were always there for me.

While raising my son, I earned my associate degree, then a bachelor’s, a master’s, and even a

practitioner certificate. Throughout my education, my mother and father were a huge help in taking care of my son.

My Nursing Career

Over the years, I worked in many areas of nursing: pediatrics, geriatrics, mental health, quality improvement, and even administration. I met people from all walks of life and different countries. I had one girl friend who was Jewish, and we were close for a time. The nurses had such diverse interests beyond our profession, like real estate for example. I made friends through nursing who I’ve known for maybe 40 years.

My first experience with a patient dying was terrible. It was a little boy with leukemia. I still see his face, though I can’t remember his name. Actually, his name was A. My mother always said there were as many short caskets as long caskets, but I don’t think I truly believed it until then. He was such a sweet little boy, and he still died, so I learned that it’s not goodness that keeps you on this earth.

I’ve also had the honor to care for some famous people, and through those experiences, I learned that money, power, and prestige don’t keep you healthy.

Health Challenges and Adaptation

I had high blood pressure since my twenties, later became obese and diabetic, and eventually developed renal failure. I had planned on working until I was 70, but it’s like they say, “Man plans and God laughs.” So, I had to stop working at 60. I’ve been on dialysis now for about 13 years.

After I got kidney disease, I moved to Baltimore. The man I was living with had died, and my son said, “Ma, you don’t have anybody in New York. All your family is spread out all over. Come down here with us.” So, I came to Baltimore to be with my son and his family. I keep a positive outlook. For everything I can’t do, there’s something I can do. That’s important. I’m grateful that although I’m not as independent as I used to be, I’m still fairly independent.

On Family and Caregiving

I believe one of my most important roles in life has been as a caregiver in different ways. I took care of my son when he was younger with the support of my parents. Later, when my parents got older and sick, I stopped working to care for them. Both died at home. Until recently, every summer my family would come to my house in New Jersey, and I’d cook for them.

I think caregiving is important because you have to care for people in order for them to care for you. It’s a cycle. But I also have limits, and when I say to people, “Okay, that’s it,” that’s it.

My son is my most important accomplishment. I’m grateful for him because he’s been very supportive during my illness. I stay with him and his family, and I’m grateful to my daughter-in-law, my grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Many families don’t do that. When you get old and sick, they say goodbye and you’re on your own.

Wisdom to Share

My mother used to tell me, “If you only work for a salary, you’re not making any money.” I feel that’s true. If I had listened to her a little bit more, I might be in a different place now. I’m in an okay place, but it could have helped me. My parents and what they taught me shaped who I am, along with some of the bumps I’ve had along the way. They say, if you get burned, you’re not going to put your hand in that fire again.

If I could do something differently, I wouldn’t have gotten married so young. I don’t think my mind was developed enough to be in a relationship with someone else. But if I hadn’t gotten married, I wouldn’t have my son, and I wouldn’t want that.

The most important advice I received was from my father: “Work for what you want. Work towards it, work for it. Always be able to take care of yourself.”

My advice to others is this. Keep your eye on the star. Have an idea of what you want and aim for that. Don’t allow anybody to tell you that you can’t or you won’t. Just keep pushing towards it. And if you get bumped, dust yourself off and move on.

Right now, in the world, I believe people need to hear some truth amid all the chaos, not that everything is going to be alright. Because these are hard times, and hard times are going to be here. But we need truth that makes sense and can support us in moving forward.

As I look at the world today, I worry for the younger generation. One of my grandchildren is 15, and the things she talks about and is exposed to… When I was 15, I didn’t think about any of that stuff.

Reflections on Healthcare

Healthcare is far more complex now than when I started nursing in 1969. People live longer, there are far more diagnoses, and they’re made earlier. The challenge is keeping people as well as possible: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

When I started nursing, if you went to a pediatric unit, you could find all kinds of children there. Now there are more specialties. A family physician used to treat you from the top of your head to the bottom of your foot. Now, if I tell my primary doctor I have a rash on my foot, she’ll say, “I think it’s so and so, but go to the dermatologist.” If I have pain in my wrist, she’ll say, “Go to the hand doctor.”

From my experience nursing, I believe a high-quality nurse must combine scientific knowledge with a caring approach. Nursing practice has to be based on science, so a nurse must be knowledgeable and clear about her practice. But she also needs to be caring. She can’t just be the person who takes your temperature. She needs to explain what she’s doing, why she’s doing it, what results she’s getting, and what she’ll do to follow up.

In my opinion, patients come to the hospital for nursing care. Most physicians’ care can be delivered on an outpatient basis, or if patients must be admitted, the surgeon operates and then checks in briefly. It’s the nurse who implements all the other pieces. A good nurse interprets information from the patient, the doctor, and others, and then provides the care patients need. A nurse who just follows rules and policies without understanding the “why” isn’t serving the patients as well as they could.

Final Thoughts

I’m grateful every day when I wake up in the morning. I talk to God and say thank you for letting me be here today. I believe in keeping a positive outlook and adapting to circumstances. As my parents taught me, don’t cry over things you don’t think you can change. Don’t waste your energy on that. Take your energy and move on to what you think you can do and do it.

I’ve lived by those words throughout my life. Through challenges in my career, health struggles, and personal losses. Adapting to what you can’t control isn’t always an advantage, because sometimes if you push back a little bit, you can get your first choice. But I tend to say, if it’s not going to take my skin off, let me go in a different direction.

My hopes and dreams for my loved ones are simple: health, happiness, and some peace. In all the confusion and turmoil of today’s world, I hope they can find their way.